My Grand Father

Culturally in a Malay family, we tend to have a much closer contact with the father's side of the family. So does my family. My dad's side of the family were the family which was most visited and was the first house we headed for any annual festive celebration.

When you have two sets of family, I mean my dad's side and the other being my mom's, I'd make comparisons who is the best grand father and grand mother. And as I was growing up, Datuk Taib always come out as the winner.

Datuk Taib is my mom's dad. He is the dotting grandfather who gets so excited and anxious whenever he greeted his grandchildren. One time, my aunt Zali told me that bila Datuk Taib dengar je cucu dia sampai kat gate, punya la dia seronok....sampai nak terlondeh kain sarong dia terkejar2 nak bukakan gate. He loves his grandchildren equally but the way he does it makes you alone, feel very special.

My two grand fathers. Datuk Taib on the left with Tok Din (my dad's father). I was so happy to have found this photo. It was taken during my parent's akad nikah 14 Aug 1966.


Datuk Taib was in the army and I do not know much about his career. I was too young at the time but what I know he retired as one of the highest ranking army officer after serving Yam Tuan Negeri Sembilan (who is then the first Agong of Malaysia), as his ADC. Then he was a Manager with British Tobacco. After he retired from British Tobacco he resided in Port Dickson.

Datuk Taib in box. He was a part of our history during Malaya independence from British. I am so proud of him.


Datuk Taib is so stylish, I guess influenced by his tough discipline while in the armed forces. He dressed well, had a lavish lifestyle and drove sports car, all again influenced by British 'mindset' on colonization. His house was the first stoned built house in Teluk Kemang! With flushed toilet bowl!

He would bring me around to buy nasi lemak for breakfast in his brown Holden and politely greet people. That smile ooo, how much I missed that. We would also walk to a private beach belonged to Mr. Ba Pat about 50 meters from Datuk Taib's house. Mr. Ba Pat also owned a private bungalow on the beach.

Datuk cared for me for a short period while I was a baby because my mom just cannot controlled her temper whenever I gave her an attitude. She would throw me on the bed and Datuk would come and pick me up and try to stop me from terlalak and terlolong. He was also at each and every of my birthday party organized by mummy.

Then, in Jan 1977 my mom passed away. It affected him so much. Datuk had several medical conditions from high blood pressure to heart ailment. And with the demise of my mother his conditioned worsen. I didn't get to see him as often as I wanted since I 'd already started my schooling in Parit, my dad's hometown (after mummy's death my sister and I were shipped to Parit to continue with our schooling). "Too much for Abah to handled and to raised us.", I would say. Datuk did try to talk Abah into letting me stay with him in PD after mummy's death. But Abah rather have me stay with Tok Din who is known for his strict discipline. He was a School Headmaster and orang kat kampung memang respect abis kat dia.

Hari Raya 1979 was supposed to be, at least for me, a routine raya visit to PD before I found out Abah called off the trip. Since he was posted to Terengganu, he travelled back to Parit and will travel down to KL for a few days and later drive back to Kuala Terengganu. Obviously I was very disappointed by his decision because this means I will not be able to see Datuk Taib.

Abah said it is not rational to travel from Parit to PD then after a night or two at PD, he had to make a return trip back to Parit to send me back. I obliged with heavy heart.

Fortunately, I made it to PD. Not in a good fortunately way.

The news of Datuk Taib's passing on second raya was a shock. IF....what if...all the ifs questions started popping out. I blamed Abah for not taking me to PD, maybe Datuk would still be alive.

When I arrived PD there were crowds of people at Datuk's house. I saw Nenek Esah sobbing uncontrollably. When she saw me she hugged me and spoke, "Datuk tanya mana Shera? Dia tak balik ke?" and she continued sobbing. Others tried to comfort her. I was told Datuk had a bad tooth ache. He tried to extract the tooth but was unsuccessful. Don't know why he didn't think of going to the dentist. Then he fallen ill, vomited blood and ambulance was called. At the hospital he was pronounced dead.

Semua ni Abah's fault! That was the first thing that cross my mind. I cannot forgave Abah for denying me to see Datuk that Raya. And now I see his dead body.

There were talks saying that my mom's death really hit him in the heart. Orang melayu selalu cakap, 'biar mak bapak mati dulu, jangan anak mati dulu...' or something like that.

SO now I have no allies but increasing my anger towards Abah. He was my #1 enemy!