MIMA.

Things in life don't come easy. The turning point in my life was when my mom passed away and it changed my entire world!

Lost my mother on 13 Jan 1977 when I was 8 while Sheri just turned 4 is indescribable. I try as much to hold on whatever memories I had with mummy. I pity Sheri as she barely knew who her mom was. But overall both of us turned out pretty well.

When you lost one half of your parent, pincang jadinya. Lucky I had Aunty Zan (my dad's sister) who had been staying with us for as long as I can remember, cared for us. I remember I had a humongous grudge against Aunty Zan who forced me to recite doa "Allahu akhbar kabiro walhamdulihikabiro....so forth" again and again but it was worth memorizing it. Amin.

Abah was not always in the picture. He drown himself with his work. Kalau nak cerita memang panjang but what I wanna share is MIMA.

WHO IS MIMA?

Well to my nephews and my kids MIMA is their grandmother, my step mom. It is a short form of grandma. To these kids she is their grandmother. They don't know about my biological mother. How could they?

My step mom entered into our lives when I was 15 and Sheri was 11. Abah married step mom in 1983 without both of our knowledge or consent. Should he get one from us? Why not? We are part of his life and he should have discussed openly about his intention. When my grandfather, Tok Din, and a few other family members' sibuk nak ke KL (at the time I was staying with my grandparents in Parit), only then I knew Abah was getting married. Wow its like being hit by a 'bull-dozzer'. I know it will come a time when Abah will remarry but not for another....well at least not until I am married. Hah!

Of course I was pissed when I was not invited to his akad nikah. One day some time that year, I told him to his face, "Now that you are married, I want to live with you and mama. No more schooling in Parit!" And so in 1984, we were transferred out from the kampung life and adjusted pretty well with the modernization of city life. Abah has to 'pay' for what he did to us for the past 5 years! I mean, shipping us to Parit, raise by my grand parents after mom's death while got transferred to Kuala Terengganu.... urgh! It really hurt my feelings.

So when they were married we accepted her as part of the family and to make things short...my step mom never had children of her own.

There was no motherly love at least the one that I imagine...the closeness, tlc, the bond, etc. I am much closer with Abah because I know I can get away with things. Maybe he acted that way out of guilt. I remember he once said, "Both of you raise your ownself. And I am proud of both of you".

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You may be thinking I am childish and selfish...but I have been through so much. That was adulthood!! for crying out loud. I matured.

Mutual respect is what we had. You have your space and I have mine. Our relationship with her was okay.

My step mom is not like other dotting grandmother. Kadang2 I envy some grandmothers adore their grandkids. In my case, my step mom said, "kalau nak hantar your children balik kampung for cuti hantar sekali dengan maid". So you know what I mean....

She does not have that grandmotherly love...you know jenis yg boleh and suka jaga cucu. Bukan la I nak bebankan dia but my other uncles and aunties adore and spoil their grandkids. Tak sabar sabar tunggu cucu balik and sometimes asked to babysit the grandchild. "Tak pe...tak pe...nanti kita hantar balik in 2 weeks time".

My nephew and kids pun tak panggil grandmother mereka nenek or tok. Instead the word MIMA came out by accident since my nephew was not able to pronounced grandma correctly. So the name MIMA got stuck some how. Though it sounded modern, to me it showed barrier.