Have I Accepted The Facts?

I don't know....I should. Shouldn't I?

Whenever I'm alone, my mind would fly off and think of Abah. Driving to work I feel numb most of the time. I would cry and cry and cry. I try to keep my mind and self occupied as much as possible and at night I will quickly go to bed and try not to think. Period.

Am I sad? Of course! But have I accepted the fact? That is something I need to figure out by myself.

My Abah is a special man in my life. Since my biological mom passed away some 32 years ago, he has been my rock. He has saved my ass numerous times and I can't remember the last time I thanked him for that.

The last trip he stayed at my place, the morning before he left for Parit, he said thank you to me and I love you,shera. I haven't heard he said that to me in....ages. It didn't click me at the time but now it seems like something unusual.

You know how sometimes people do or say weird things before they die? That is how I feel to think of it. He is a tough guy and having those words coming out from him is to cherish forever. He knows that I know, I am his favorite daughter.

I am proud of my dad. He has gone for his first chemo session last week and the next will be this coming Thursday. Every weekend I will go and visit him at my sister's house. It is difficult to see him getting frail and weak. He still goes for his morning walks though he said it tires him. He takes supplements to strengthened his immune system.

At this rate, I can only pray that I have another year with him. ABAH I love you!

Abah Has Lung Cancer

Amidst the excited time watching Shakira off to her school I received a sad news that my dad was admitted to Pantai MC in Ipoh for a minor surgery. He had problem urinating and pass motion. The surgery was successful. Somehow his coughs gave way for the doctors to further run tests and after a CT Scan they discovered my dad has lung cancer.

What can I say? A shock? Or something expected? Being a smoker since he was in his teens....I guess people are not surprised due to his smoking history. The young Dr. Michael Joseph explained to abah (and infront of us all) that the cancer has spread to his left lung. Abah has 6-9 months to live and should he undergo Chemotheraphy it may prolong his life span up to a year.

Abah laid down listening and jokingly said, "Well doc, it looks like it the end of the road for me."
But the doctor replied, "No Sir don't think it as that way. There is no cure for cancer but you are fit and with chemo it helps to prolonged life."

The doctor left. We were numb. What can I be thinking? How's mom taking it? All this while she has been living with Abah and now we have a deadline. My sister ran outside after the doctor to have a few words. She came in with teary eyes. Me? I don't know yet how I feel. Shock? Perhaps? Numb? Perhaps? I think it hasn't kick in yet. No way this is happening to me. I lost my mom....and now my dad? Wow! How can I live without my DAD?

We thought of going for a second opinion but abad feels that it is not necessary. Cancer is still cancer, no doubt about it. And he wants to go through Chemo. From then on my sis has taken control of setting an appointment with an oncologist from HUKM, shipping him back and fro for chemo treatment, accommodate both my parents at her house. What is left for me to do? I know mom would feel comfortable having sis in control as she is very authoritative, informative and they have a special bond. So where does this leave me? I love my dad too. Maybe circumstances does not permits me.

Recently I received my retro salary of 2 step increase from March last year. I gave certain amount to mom the other day and I just don't know what and how to say what the cash is for. I know they don't actually need it but I thought she could at least use my contribution to pay for the drugs and medication for ABAH. After that, I thought how I wish I could have explained what the cash was for. I am just not goods with spoken words.


Abah and his cucu.


Abah and Shakiel.

It is going to be a tough time this year. Accepting the fact that Abah is dying. I know everyone will die one day but it is different when it happens to you.

My Baby Girl Is Starting Primary One.

Shakira will start her Primary One next year. Yup how fast time flies. It was just like yesterday she learned to walk, and this video is a must watch. She was playing the guitar.




To be continued....

As I was saying, time flies really fast. It's a new chapter in all of our lives. I took the first few days off to see her off to school, checking her bags daily for circulars from school, in case there were latest development on her fees or text books. It has becoming a routine. Kalau harapkan dia beritahu, alamatnya satu benda pun tak jadi.

Yes of course as a parent I am, too, excited to see her go to school. All preparation as scheduled and I always try to make sure Shakira, or rather me has all books (according her timetable) packed in her school bag. Again, Kalau harapkan dia....haru jadinya. Semuanya, tak tahu, tak tahu.....Anyway it will take time to teach her these things. She has to be responsible of her own things.

By the looks of it, Shakira does enjoy school. Once she gets off school she'll go to her day care at the Montessori and there the teachers will guide her with her homework. Later in the night I will sit down with her and her brother to finish up their KUMON homework. I know she feel exhausted by then but that is how lives goes. I took am exhausted.

Good luck to you Shakira. Mummy wants to see you succeed in life. MUMMY LOVES U!

Clowning Act

I woke up early this morning and started to browse old pictures of the kids and these are some of my favorite of Shakiels. A few made me cry but mostly made me laugh. The Ninja Turtle is my favorite.







And more to come....

B B Q Get Together

It's been a while since we had a BBQ get together and it's about time....I really enjoy organizing small parties and this round my aunt Zali and uncle Mail will be the guest of honor. Memang dah lama nak ajak both of them to our new home but..segan, ialah rumah tak seberapa compare to her luxurious lifestyle.

Unfortunately I have no pictures to share but among the rest of my guest were my sister and her family, Chelvi (colleague from work) and Divina, my Supervisor from work.

Since I was on leave the whole week of Hari Raya Haji, I spent time managing the kids and went shopping to get things moving along for the get together party.

Menu for the B B Q:

A must have - lamb and chicken (A two piece steak specially prepared for bro-in-law since he doesn't take lamb due to high blood pressure)
Garden Salad
Corn
Mash Potatoes (of course from KFC)
French Loaf
Mushroom Quiche (made by my sister)

It was simple and I wanted a dine in meal so that people can sit and chat while eating. Sitting capacity was sufficient at my 6 seater dining table.

Hubby was busy BBQ-ing while I did the entertaining part.

Aunt Zali has been like a mother to me since my mom passed away and she was the only aunt concern enough with my sister's and mine welfare. She was there at the airport sending me off to the States,our engagement, our weddings and for all the birth of our kids. Be it emotional support or financial...she has been there for us. She and her husband are quite well off and yes kadang2 segan bila dia invite us to her house. Don't know why but I guess perbezaan material darjat agaknya. She even caught me smoking in her duaghter's room (during my Sunway College years) and masa dia advise me about smoking she was seriously considering to stop smoking. And at the same time she was puffing away her Peter Styversant....eeemmmm very convincing. Anyway it was a year since we met and I was glad she accepted the offer to come to our humble home last weekend. She has 2 grown up kids, her daughter is married to an American Philippino and residing in San Francisco while her son is still single working in KL.

So that is why I invited Divina, my Supervisor. Being a Philippino I am sure they have a few things in common to talk about. Chelvi came in as she has been quite close with me since we started working at Cyberjaya. She is married to a Swiss guy who is working in UK. So its a long distance relationship and she sure can talk. So my get together will not be boring.

I really hope all enjoyed the BBQ and entertained by my son's clowning actions. My sister arrived slightly late as her sons music class was postponed to a later time. It ended about 4pm and I was exhausted to the bones. It was a success and there will be more BBQ to come....you can bet on it!

PPICDC Graduation Night.

End year concert for the kids at Montessori ans Shakira volunteered to become Snow White. While Shakiel participated in his age group singing the Old McDonald song.

The concert started about 8.30 pm and we had the very front row seats so that we could have a good view. Unfortunately when each age group performed, parents roamed to the front clicking their cameras and video taping either with a camcorder or mobile phone.

Shakiel did well singing Old McDonald had a Farm and he looked adorable.




Then came Shakira's Snow White performance. She did very well without forgetting any of her scripts. Superb! With her hair short now it suited pretty well with her Snow White character.





And finally the night ended with graduation ceremony and I am quite disappointed that so many parents have already left the hall. No one was even clapping to the graduates except for Shakiel and myself.




Congratulations Shakira! You've grown up so fast and it felt just like yesterday I've given birth to you. Now a new chapter will begin and you will enter the REAL WORLD! You have bloomed into a beautiful angel and you have done mummy and ayah proud with your achievements.

A1 RACE

I heard entrance was free and that what I was told when I got back to office the following Monday! All you need to do is just write you name and e-mail address on a piece of paper and you're in. Geez....and I had to work hard completing my mid year review for confirmation in order to get the entrance pass!

Anyhow, we got to Sepang F1 circut at noon and found a parking spot somewhere in the middle of ladang kelapa sawit. We proceeded to redeem the tickets at the Jobstreet's booth.






Food were expensive. Watching people around was quite entertaining. It was tiring and we left about 4 pm just about the right time to avoid burst of traffic.