Goodbye 2009 and Hello 2010.

I am glad to say good bye to 2009.ANd may 2010 bring good luck and more prosperity to our family!

Another death in the family.

Tuesday, 29 December 2009.

This was supposed to be an exciting day out for the kids as my hubby made plans to take them and their cousins to Kuala Gandah, the Elephant Rehabilitation Sanctuary.

After breakfast, hubby dropped me off to work and he headed to Ampang to meet up with the kids. They were supposed to start their journey to Kuala Gandah at 10 am.

At 9:45 am I received a phone call from hubby, sobbing, informing me that MAK, my mother in law has passed away. What a shock. I just saw her last Sunday at the hospital. And today is the day that she supposed to be discharged out from the hospital!

Mak Ampang or Mak Tok by her grandchildren.


Hubby rushed to the hospital. What was known that she was all well in the morning. Got dressed but she called on the nurse after feeling nausea. She collapsed on her hospital bed and nurses were called to resuscitate her. But she was pronounced dead due to her diabetic complications. Heart attack that is.

I called Sheri to help to send me to Ampang since I do not have my car with me. Around 10:30 am Sheri arrived at my office with her two kids and I showed her directions to Ampang house.

Upon our arrival, Shakiel was there to greet us and announced that, "Mak Tok dah meninggal." I acknowledged and told both his sister and him that this is not a happy occasion. I know he was happy to see us but his excitement was not proper at the time. They are just kids....I said to myself.

Quite a number of people were already there reciting Yassin and chit chatting, I guess they were surprised as well by MIL's passing. I proceeded to the kitchen where I see a few relatives busying themselves cutting 'Daun Pandan' to spread on the grave later at the funeral service. My hubby was no where to be seen and I presume he is still at the hospital. I did not make any attempt to call him as I don't want to upset him more.

I tried to keep myself busy by boiling water, brushing a few pots and filling with water, which later will be brought to the graveyard. Most of the time the ladies were just sitting while others come and go.

Just right after Zohor prayers, MIL arrived. All wrapped in white cloth and laid in the middle of the living room for her friends and relatives to view her for the last time. Some were sobbing, had teary eyes and I sat way back and recited surah Yassin.

Later I went outside to see how hubby is doing....obviously shock and upset. People started to arrive and the house is filled with sadness. Soon after that she will be driven to Masjid Kampung Melayu to be bathe and 'kapan' (or wrapped) before being buried. I stood by the kitchen walkway and tears just flowed. Makcik Ani said that I should go and join when they bathe MIL. I don't know, should I? Afterall I am just the daughter in law, and MIL has 3 other daughters who are much deserving to carry out the duty. Again, she insisted on me going....I nod and said to myself, yes it will be an honor!

As they carried MIL into the awaiting van, everyone started rushing to the main entrance. I got blocked...naturally I stayed back. Then they started to proceed to the mosque and later I realized I was put on the spot. When everyone left, I stayed back to monitor the kids and other incoming phone calls. Still people dropped by and I directed them to the mosque.

At some point, I felt deserted...but its okay since I do have a heavy role here. Luck came when hubby called asked me about lunch and when he dropped lunch off, I told him I am tied up but please get me when they are leaving for the funeral service. Now I can't leave the house because I could not get hold of the house keys.

Finally I got to the mosque during 'sembahyang jenazah'. Sad though I did not get to see MIL for the last time. It may be important but it's okay I guess. It is not what you see is important but its what you remember her by that you will keep forever. I much prefer to remember her from the last visit...all smiles and giggling at one point.

Funeral was quick and simple and it ended by 6 pm.

Abah Ampang was sad but being a man you have to show that you are strong on the surface. In the inside, only God knows. To Abah or Atok Bacik, berbanyak sabar sebab ini semua cubaan hidup kita. I still belief life goes on for those alive.

I remember I once said to Nora, Abang Ngah's wife when they lost their month old baby, "Bersabar. Perjalanan hidup kita masih panjang!" Hmmmm and I meant that well.

'Kenduri Arwah' will run 3 nights in a row. We will be in Ampang most of this week.

To MAK, walaupun Shera tak sempat tengok, cium dan minta maaf pada MAK, di sini Shera nak minta ampun banyak dan halalkan makan dan minum Shera. MAK jangan risau, semua dosa MAK pada Shera (kalau ada) dah pun Shera maafkan. Insya Allah, selagi termampu empat kerat tulang Shera....Shera akan jaga 'si abang'.

I haven't been an exemplary daughter in law.

Al Fathihah.

My Family

This photo was taken on my 4th birthday.


This was taken in 1976. (I still looking for this family photo...mana pergi entahla.)
Update : 29-Oct-2013.
Found it! Taken a year before my mom passed away

This was taken in 1990 before I left for the States. Airport Subang lama.

And this, was taken in 1997.

My Grand Father

Culturally in a Malay family, we tend to have a much closer contact with the father's side of the family. So does my family. My dad's side of the family were the family which was most visited and was the first house we headed for any annual festive celebration.

When you have two sets of family, I mean my dad's side and the other being my mom's, I'd make comparisons who is the best grand father and grand mother. And as I was growing up, Datuk Taib always come out as the winner.

Datuk Taib is my mom's dad. He is the dotting grandfather who gets so excited and anxious whenever he greeted his grandchildren. One time, my aunt Zali told me that bila Datuk Taib dengar je cucu dia sampai kat gate, punya la dia seronok....sampai nak terlondeh kain sarong dia terkejar2 nak bukakan gate. He loves his grandchildren equally but the way he does it makes you alone, feel very special.

My two grand fathers. Datuk Taib on the left with Tok Din (my dad's father). I was so happy to have found this photo. It was taken during my parent's akad nikah 14 Aug 1966.


Datuk Taib was in the army and I do not know much about his career. I was too young at the time but what I know he retired as one of the highest ranking army officer after serving Yam Tuan Negeri Sembilan (who is then the first Agong of Malaysia), as his ADC. Then he was a Manager with British Tobacco. After he retired from British Tobacco he resided in Port Dickson.

Datuk Taib in box. He was a part of our history during Malaya independence from British. I am so proud of him.


Datuk Taib is so stylish, I guess influenced by his tough discipline while in the armed forces. He dressed well, had a lavish lifestyle and drove sports car, all again influenced by British 'mindset' on colonization. His house was the first stoned built house in Teluk Kemang! With flushed toilet bowl!

He would bring me around to buy nasi lemak for breakfast in his brown Holden and politely greet people. That smile ooo, how much I missed that. We would also walk to a private beach belonged to Mr. Ba Pat about 50 meters from Datuk Taib's house. Mr. Ba Pat also owned a private bungalow on the beach.

Datuk cared for me for a short period while I was a baby because my mom just cannot controlled her temper whenever I gave her an attitude. She would throw me on the bed and Datuk would come and pick me up and try to stop me from terlalak and terlolong. He was also at each and every of my birthday party organized by mummy.

Then, in Jan 1977 my mom passed away. It affected him so much. Datuk had several medical conditions from high blood pressure to heart ailment. And with the demise of my mother his conditioned worsen. I didn't get to see him as often as I wanted since I 'd already started my schooling in Parit, my dad's hometown (after mummy's death my sister and I were shipped to Parit to continue with our schooling). "Too much for Abah to handled and to raised us.", I would say. Datuk did try to talk Abah into letting me stay with him in PD after mummy's death. But Abah rather have me stay with Tok Din who is known for his strict discipline. He was a School Headmaster and orang kat kampung memang respect abis kat dia.

Hari Raya 1979 was supposed to be, at least for me, a routine raya visit to PD before I found out Abah called off the trip. Since he was posted to Terengganu, he travelled back to Parit and will travel down to KL for a few days and later drive back to Kuala Terengganu. Obviously I was very disappointed by his decision because this means I will not be able to see Datuk Taib.

Abah said it is not rational to travel from Parit to PD then after a night or two at PD, he had to make a return trip back to Parit to send me back. I obliged with heavy heart.

Fortunately, I made it to PD. Not in a good fortunately way.

The news of Datuk Taib's passing on second raya was a shock. IF....what if...all the ifs questions started popping out. I blamed Abah for not taking me to PD, maybe Datuk would still be alive.

When I arrived PD there were crowds of people at Datuk's house. I saw Nenek Esah sobbing uncontrollably. When she saw me she hugged me and spoke, "Datuk tanya mana Shera? Dia tak balik ke?" and she continued sobbing. Others tried to comfort her. I was told Datuk had a bad tooth ache. He tried to extract the tooth but was unsuccessful. Don't know why he didn't think of going to the dentist. Then he fallen ill, vomited blood and ambulance was called. At the hospital he was pronounced dead.

Semua ni Abah's fault! That was the first thing that cross my mind. I cannot forgave Abah for denying me to see Datuk that Raya. And now I see his dead body.

There were talks saying that my mom's death really hit him in the heart. Orang melayu selalu cakap, 'biar mak bapak mati dulu, jangan anak mati dulu...' or something like that.

SO now I have no allies but increasing my anger towards Abah. He was my #1 enemy!

Selamat Pengantin Baru....Razak!

How much people spent these days for a memorable wedding.

With the happy couple.

SHakira & Shakiel at Razak's Wedding.


I have known Razak for so many years. We came from the same company, Hiti Engineering, way back in 1995. We are what you can say 'Partner in Crime'.

As years goes by, one by one of his friends got married and we would naturally teased him when will be his turn. He was seeing a college girl but it didn't last and soon after he left Hiti Engineering. The pay was low considering his years of experienced as an Auto CAD Designer. He landed a good job with better pay and we kinda lost touch.

Until recently I received his call inviting me to his wedding. Razak? Getting married? Wow....finally the day has arrived! He text me,

"Akhirnya adik aku tidak akan bermandi dengan sabun lagi." Kah! Kah! Kah! I replied,
"Ya kau memerdekakan adik kau!"

I considered Razak a buddy because he was the one I would confide in be it personal or financial matters. We could relate to each other. Some of our decisions were good and some were bad which landed me in trouble. My hubby was not so impressed. Razak was the one who taught me that when the speedometer reaches 50kmp you should already be in gear 5. That was when I first took my driving lessons. So much fond memories.

Anyway, I am not here to criticized him but want to share this happy moment. Razak finally found someone he can spend his entire life with. I don't know the whole story of how he meet his wife, or when....Razak semoga perkahwinan mu kekal buat selamanya!

Selamat Pengantin Baru!

Dinner for 2, please?

My date for the evening!

Wild Mushroom Burschetta.

Escargot in melted cheese.

Lamb Shank.

Another view of the Lamb Shank.

Spaghetti Aglio Olio.

The finish product. Ummmm simply delicious!

We finished off with Cappuchino.


Since the kids were away at their grand mother's, we decided to treat ourselves with dinner at an Italian Restaurant located in Bandar Puteri. About time!

After dinner, I called the kids to see how they are doing. Mummy missed you guys.

The mystery of BETTY is solved!

If you recollect from my previous blog entries, I wrote about Betty, the stray dog that sleeps daily in front of my house.

We wondered what's her story about. She never failed coming home and make herself comfy in front of our gate.

Anyway, our neighbor, Uncle Jeffrey, has a muscular dog whose real name is Choy. But we named him Steven anyway after Aerosmith's Steven Tyler since he has such a wide mouth as though he was smiling all the time. Steven would barked at any stranger who passes by and somehow rather we feel save by his presence next door.

Unfortunately, last Friday Steven has moved on to eternal life after a short illness. "He died due to old age", according to Uncle Jeffrey. I am sure his daughter was devastated by the lost. She was quite close and she was the only person Steven would oblige.

I remembered one night we came home and saw Uncle Jeffrey, his wife and 2 older kids were standing outside their gate, peering inside.

My hubby asked, "Apa hal uncle?"
Uncle Jeffrey, "Ta dak, tunngu saya punya anak kasi anjing makan. Nanti kasi ikat. Baru boleh masuk. Banyak garang."

Hahaha.... dgn anjing sendiri pun takut. Both of us giggled....

But Steven was fierce. He will be tied up during they day and freed at nights. Uncle Jeffrey was afraid if the dog would bite my kids. The dog has bitten him a couple of times. That was very thoughtful of him. Steven was playful with my kids...whenever he saw my kids, he stood up and started jumping. Barking softly macam nak ajak main. Never failed.

But, 2 days prior to Steven's death, Betty never showed up at her usual spot. I kept a look out for her on and off.....but she never came back.

Where did she go?
Did she die too?

Finally, my hubby concluded that Betty was only around because of Steven all these years and as though she knew that Steven was going to die. And she left. That was the sign.

So Betty wherever you are, take care.

Steven, we missed your barking.

HARMONIKA

A few nights ago, Ayah (my hubby) came home from work and excitedly showed me things he bought for the kids. Each kid will get BM language old folks tale story books. On top of that Shakira will also get a name tag puncher, while Shakiel will get a HARMONIKA.

Hahaha! Why I laughed?

This reminded me way back on my 17th birthday. I cannot exactly recalled what I got from my parents but I certainly can remember what I got from my sister, Sheri. I mean I know I can't expect much from my sister considering the minimal weekly pocket money we get. But I sure never expected Sheri's birthday gift to me.

When she presented me with the nicely wrapped gift I was anxious to know what is the content. I thanked her and open the gift. And to my surprised it was a HARMONIKA! Duh? A harmonika?

Is this a joke? Maybe there's another gift coming out?
What will I do with this harmonika?
I don't now how to play a harmonika. Do I?
I can blow on it but doesn't seems to create a melody.

Sheri? Why? A harmonika?

And we both bursting out laughing.

Till this day, I still have the harmonika kept somewhere in my black kit box. And everytime, I see a harmonika, it will remind me of MY Harmonika.

Short write up.

It was an honor when Shakiel's Montessori Principal asked me to do a short write up about my experiences throughout Shakiel's attendance at PPICDC. She wants to include it into their annual brochure. Wow! Ghee I am flattered.

Initially I did not know what to write but gave my best shot. Completed it at the office today. Duration time taken to compose was 2 hours. Phew! Pressure abis!

Here how it goes.

"Learning at Montessori is not all about grades and tests but focusing on the child interest presented materials whichever catches their interest.

Since attending PPICDC Montessori in July 2008, my son has developed his own personality: independent, confident and self initiated. Thank you to the teachers whose guidance and encouragement has brought reading easier and fun for him. My son's level of confidence help him to grow socially as well as intellectual and exhibit the desire to teach, help and care for others.

I belief every children is unique in their own way and they should be free to succeed and learn without restriction or criticism."

I hope Teacher Manjit will appreciate it.

#6

Shakira got number six in class out of 39 students. Am I impressed? I guess I have to give her credit for maintaining top 10 throughout the school year.

And Ayah? He got Shakira a coloring set!

#1? Of course it's Anis Balkis!

BALI

KINTAMANI. Active volcano in the back ground. Shakira, Shakiel, Irfan and Zarif in clowning action.

Finally the day I have been waiting for....our trip to Bali! It has been a while since we went for a family trip. To me this activity is quite important because it's the time you bond or catch up latest gossips with your siblings and parents. Since I have one sibling and now one remaining parent so this trip to Bali means a lot to me. I will as much participate in any or better be all future trips with Sheri and Mom.

I still feel a sense of regret I did not join the last family trip to Melaka last year December. Abah was still around back then. Well, to me Melaka is already like a kampung as every raya we will go back to Mak Datin's house (hubby's aunt). So at the time, a trip to Melaka did not interest me. How would I know that it will be the last family trip for Abah. Kalau I tahu definitely I akan pergi sekali. Memang I sedih sangat bila mengenangkannya.

Anyway, this trip to Bali was a last minute decision. Sheri handled all the air ticket and ground arrangements. Thanks Sheri. I should also thank her in her Facebook. Did that just a few moments ago.

My first trip to Bali was in 1998 then 2003. So since this is my third trip I hope I will be able to do more of shopping than sight seeing. Now that I have kids my aim is to buy tonnes of clothes for them. I heard kids clothes are cheap.

Naturally, I was very excited for the kids. Ye la, this is their maiden flight and I imagine they will be out of control when board the plane. Roaming around cannot sit still. Jumping all over and suddenly realized they were already in the cockpit! BUT it was all just my imagination.....Surprisingly, they were well behaved and slept throughout most of the journey. All they wanted to know is "Bila nak mandi di swimming pool?". Hah!! Everyday that question will pop out.

Arrived Bali and we were met by Kusuma. He will be our tour guide during our entire stay in Bali. After the introduction we were transported directly to ASTON BALI Hotel in Tanjong Benoa. A relax hotel I should put it. Why....entah? Memang relax sangat rasanya and menenangkan. You don't see yuppies or hippies, backpackers etc... basically we were among the younger generation as hotel guests. Yup mostly those staying here are senior citizens. And I like it. Tak riuh atau bising.

We were brought to our rooms and I prepared instant noodles for all. By 4:30 pm we were ready waiting for Kusuma who will take us to Uluwatu. There, we saw the Kechack Dance at sunset. The view was awesome!

Kechak Dance.

Uluwatu at sunset.

Back at the hotel, our room is cozy and next to Sheri's. Mom's room was about 5 doors away. At night Shakira get to sleep with Mima and the final night Shakiel had the privilege of accompanying his grandmother to bed.

We went to a few interesting places and we enjoyed shopping at Matahari Mall and Bali Collections. At Bali Collections ada SOGO and it is quite expansive. Most people don't get to shop at local Malls since it's not part of the usual travel itinerary. Instead of the usual temple visits we requested Kusuma to take us to the Mall. I get to shop clothes for the kids. Quality was good and for 7 pieces of clothes I spent RM67. There were discount like at 2nd purchase you get 50% off.

Then I went to Oshkosh B'gosh and spent RM314 for 6 pieces of denim jeans and t-shirts. My GOD terngaga I dengar. Kalau kat MAlaysia....One piece of denim jeans cost about RM130++. I was very satisfied with my purchases. And finally, I get to buy CD's (not available in Malaysia)for about RPH50,000 a piece - 2 each of Maliq n d'essentials and Tompi. That's it...I must be the happiest person on earth at the time.

Another day, we stopped at the silver jewelery factory/shop and each of us bought souvenirs. I bought a dragonfly earrings that cost me RPH420,000. Not bad and I terus pakai. So excitednya.

When we got to Tanah Lot, we were magnetized at a hand wood carving shop. Mom, Sheri and myself each bought 2 pieces of wood carvings. Fridge magnet is a must for souvenirs. Hubby did an Apache hand drawn tattoo on his arm. Looks cool with the Apache head picture T-shirt he was wearing. I also bought a few T-shirts.

Mima and her grandchildren.

Kusuma and the kids.

Cousins striking a pose.

Shakiel got very attached to Kusuma.

This time we were thinking more of ourselves rather than what to get for friends and relatives back home. Kadang2 bila travel overseas kita selalu ingat nak beli buah tangan untuk sedara but not this time.

It is not complete a trip to Bali without going to the spa. Since we did not want to lay down for 2 hours for the usual full body massage, we pampered ourselves with foot and head massage only. Head massages is for relaxing our mind after thinking all the money we have spent and foot massage for the long walks browsing and shopping. Hahaha!

Dinner by the Jimbaran Beach was nice though the food was a bit cold and stale. The beach quartet performers would come from table to table and play your choice of tune. The huge waves bang the shore in the background was a big plus. The kids had a ball playing with sand. Of course lepas tu kena marah sebab kasut and seluar penuh dengan pasir. Merata-rata bersepah pasir dalam bilik air bila sampai ke bilik hotel!

Of course the kids enjoyed the swimming pool and Ayah spent whatever free time available in the pool with Shakira and Shakiel.

Other places of interest that we went were Kintamani and Turtle Island.

Finally the last day, since our flight back to Malaysia was 7 pm, the hotel management agreed to allow us extend our stay until 4 pm. We found a small Nasi Padang food stall not far from our hotel and had lunch. Makan bagai nak rak...macam dah lama tak jumpa nasi. Eeeee!

At the airport we still had time to shop at the duty free and I took the opportunity to finish up whatever Rupiah cash I had in hand. By mid night we we already home.

I enjoyed the trip and I hope all did. Do I wanna go back again to Bali? HELL YEAH! This time more shopping......

MIMA.

Things in life don't come easy. The turning point in my life was when my mom passed away and it changed my entire world!

Lost my mother on 13 Jan 1977 when I was 8 while Sheri just turned 4 is indescribable. I try as much to hold on whatever memories I had with mummy. I pity Sheri as she barely knew who her mom was. But overall both of us turned out pretty well.

When you lost one half of your parent, pincang jadinya. Lucky I had Aunty Zan (my dad's sister) who had been staying with us for as long as I can remember, cared for us. I remember I had a humongous grudge against Aunty Zan who forced me to recite doa "Allahu akhbar kabiro walhamdulihikabiro....so forth" again and again but it was worth memorizing it. Amin.

Abah was not always in the picture. He drown himself with his work. Kalau nak cerita memang panjang but what I wanna share is MIMA.

WHO IS MIMA?

Well to my nephews and my kids MIMA is their grandmother, my step mom. It is a short form of grandma. To these kids she is their grandmother. They don't know about my biological mother. How could they?

My step mom entered into our lives when I was 15 and Sheri was 11. Abah married step mom in 1983 without both of our knowledge or consent. Should he get one from us? Why not? We are part of his life and he should have discussed openly about his intention. When my grandfather, Tok Din, and a few other family members' sibuk nak ke KL (at the time I was staying with my grandparents in Parit), only then I knew Abah was getting married. Wow its like being hit by a 'bull-dozzer'. I know it will come a time when Abah will remarry but not for another....well at least not until I am married. Hah!

Of course I was pissed when I was not invited to his akad nikah. One day some time that year, I told him to his face, "Now that you are married, I want to live with you and mama. No more schooling in Parit!" And so in 1984, we were transferred out from the kampung life and adjusted pretty well with the modernization of city life. Abah has to 'pay' for what he did to us for the past 5 years! I mean, shipping us to Parit, raise by my grand parents after mom's death while got transferred to Kuala Terengganu.... urgh! It really hurt my feelings.

So when they were married we accepted her as part of the family and to make things short...my step mom never had children of her own.

There was no motherly love at least the one that I imagine...the closeness, tlc, the bond, etc. I am much closer with Abah because I know I can get away with things. Maybe he acted that way out of guilt. I remember he once said, "Both of you raise your ownself. And I am proud of both of you".

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You may be thinking I am childish and selfish...but I have been through so much. That was adulthood!! for crying out loud. I matured.

Mutual respect is what we had. You have your space and I have mine. Our relationship with her was okay.

My step mom is not like other dotting grandmother. Kadang2 I envy some grandmothers adore their grandkids. In my case, my step mom said, "kalau nak hantar your children balik kampung for cuti hantar sekali dengan maid". So you know what I mean....

She does not have that grandmotherly love...you know jenis yg boleh and suka jaga cucu. Bukan la I nak bebankan dia but my other uncles and aunties adore and spoil their grandkids. Tak sabar sabar tunggu cucu balik and sometimes asked to babysit the grandchild. "Tak pe...tak pe...nanti kita hantar balik in 2 weeks time".

My nephew and kids pun tak panggil grandmother mereka nenek or tok. Instead the word MIMA came out by accident since my nephew was not able to pronounced grandma correctly. So the name MIMA got stuck some how. Though it sounded modern, to me it showed barrier.

PPGs.

Don't know when Shakira started liking Power Puff Girls and Sushi Pack. But I know she is crazy over them. She would asked papers or note pads from me and draw a lot of PPGs picture.

I never thought she could draw a decent picture until one day she came across a site in the net which teaches how to draw the PPGs and Naruto. She learned the technique by herself. I am no artist but I think these are not bad!





See what I mean. Do you see the lines across their faces? That's a drawing technique. I am seriously thinking of sending her to an Art Class. Something for her to fill up her time during the school holidays. Haven't discussed this yet with Hubby but I am keeping this option open.

Now her favorite PPGs is BUBBLES.

July 6, 2009

These few photos of Shakira were taken during her small birthday gathering at her day care. I know it has been a while but only recently I learned how to upload and download pictures from my blackberry.

Birthday Cake - Power Puff Girls

Shakira with Teacher Sheena


Shakiel help serving out cakes.

She loves Power Puff Girls so much and she deserves this big cake. I will show you what I mean in my coming updates of how much she loves the PPGs.

Happy Birthday baby!

Exam Fever.

Finally exam is over.

Shakira is so relieved that she can now play computer games and watch Michael Jackson's video clips on 'you tube'. And of course it is relief for yours truly as well. It was a gruelling period for me sitting down with Shakira and did lots of revisions. Not to mentioned the screaming sessions....

Today she brought home her Math 1 and Math 2 exam papers. Shakira did quite well. 40 marks for Paper 1 and 58 marks for Paper 2. However after I went through her exam papers I found that Shakira had actually scored 99 out of hundred instead of 98. Emmm...macamana cikgu dia check hah?

Ini tak boleh jadi. I insist that she bring back her exam paper back to her Math teacher on Monday to pin point the error. I mean even though one mark, it does makes a lot of difference in terms of overall performance.

Shakira longed to go for a swim. I told her if she could achieve numbers from 1-3 in her class, I will take her swimming . This time her swimming trip will be an expensive one. I have another surprise waiting for her....a trip to Bali next week. It will be her first trip traveling on an airplane.

Each day after her exams, I would asked her, how did she do? She sounded confident that she answered all questions correctly. She said she wants to be better than Anis Balqis. Anis is her no. 1 competitor in the class. So far Anis has been in the top three in all past 3 terms. Whereas Shakira got numbers 2,8,3 respectively.


I pray that Shakira does well.

But what happens if she did not make it into top 3? HELP ME KUTUK!!

The Dance.

Please don't think that I do not like Malay songs...Never my intension untuk mengagungkan lagu 'mat saleh'. I do have my share of 'feeling' sorang sorang bila dengar beberapa buah lagu melayu. Ada yang boleh buat I sebak, hiba, menangis dan ada kalanya lagu melayu tu akan membuat I senyum sendiri. MMmmmm...

One that crossed my mind was a favorite of my dad's...RINDU BAYANGAN. I asked him once why did he like the song very much? He just smiled, raised his thumb and push his nostril to the side. Emm?

The opposite with my biological mom...her westernized upbringing, and her father being a respectable high rank army person....she enjoyed English songs. When I was 7 or 8 years old, I used to peak through her door key hole. I saw her holding a microphone like taping her voice or recording what she sang. I listened her singing FEELINGS, DO YOU KNOW WHERE U'RE GOING TO by Diana Ross. Of course yours truly pun nak enter frame...so my mom locked herself in her room...away from disturbances.

I notice my dad liked Rindu Bayangan just after he met my step mom. Guess at that age dia pun nak 'feeling'. Ha Ha Ha maybe itu lagu cinta mereka. Who knows, what ever the song meant to him.

Anyway, on his retirement night at Bukit Aman...it was simply amazing. The experienced watching a group of bagpipers playing in the hall. Berdenggung! For a moment I rasa macam jantung I dah roboh but I was proud and full of semangat kemalaysiaan. Is there such as word? KEMALAYSIAAN?

Later he gave his speech and of course yours truly was mentioned, something about being sick and now she now can fight against a sumo wrestler...never mind...I do not care to elaborate much....

Then there were the police combo playing some tunes and guest appearance by ND Lala and Nona Manis. Hahaha imagine that...I can remember Nona Manis, a twosome female artist. After their performance, I approached the MC and asked her if she can persuade ND Lala to sing Rindu Bayangan in Abah's honor.
(In 1985, N D Lala was renting a room at my ex-school mate's house right behind Assunta Secondary School. He was a rising actor at the time. I took the opportunity of having him signing my autograph book. Thank you to Zalina.)

Well, you cannot have things go your way all the time. So, I had to settle with the Police Combo playing an instrumental tune of Rindu Bayangan. But to top the cherry on the icing...Abah's asked me for the first dance!

Embarrassed? HELL YEAH! In front of hundreds of people and the Chief Police of KL , Datuk Ismail Che Ros and his wife, sitting right there! THERE!!!

But, that was a personal moment for a father and daughter to bond. I never been to a prom so that night was my prom night. And my dad is my date.

Next thing I knew, everybody clapped and the song ended. Oh Well.

The picture of me dancing is in Parit, sitting in an album. Kalau ada kesempatan I will try and scan untuk tatapan umum.

That! I will not forget for as long as I live!

AMIN.

Fly me to the moon.

Another of my favorite song is FLY ME TO THE MOON by Frank Sinatra. It's an oldies and I first heard it about 15 years back...I think. It regularly played in the movie called ONCE AROUND and among the main character in it was Holly Hunter and Richard Dreyfuss. It was like love at first sight with the song. I love the part when Danny Aiello sang this song at his daughter's (Holly Hunter)wedding.

Once Around is a 1991 romantic comedy/drama film about a young woman who falls for and eventually marries a wealthy and an overbearing older man who proceeds to rub her close-knit family the wrong way.

Here are the lyrics.

Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Happy Birthday Abah.

This photo was taken a few years back. I cannot actually recall the correct year but it was Hari Raya Aidil Fitri and it coincided with Abah's birthday. A happy and cherished moment of Abah and his grandchildren.

I remember some years back my sister and myself did not know what to get him for his birthday. I mean what could we get for some one who can actually afford everything and anything, materialistically. After approaching Abah he listed out things he would like us to get him. We saw the list and of course.....all were golf accessories. So we cut the list into square pieces and draw lots...just like macam kita main kutu - cabut nombor. Mom had to but him a new golf shoes, Sheri got golf gloves and I,...kena beli golf balls.

GOLF BALLS? Murahnya I thought. That was until I got to Golf House outlet! I was suprise how expansive golf balls can cost!

Abah and his passion for golf.

Since today is what supposed to be his 70th birthday, I want to say...I tried to be the best daughter for you. I am not perfect. All I want you to know is you are always in my heart. There have been so many regrets in my life but I use it to build a stronger and tougher character of who I am today. You thought me that Abah. What I had gone through since mummy passed away in 1977...the anger, resentment, frustration all towards you and all the history in between thought me to be come a stronger person.

No one person's history can be the same.

Al Fathihah. I love you very much Abah.

One Day in Your Life

I have been a great fan of Michael Jackson since the early 80's. But as I grew up and mature (chey....) his antics irritates me. Although I enjoyed watching his world video clip/trailer premier on MTV in the early 90's when I was studying in the States. It was something to look forward to...Black or White, Do you remember, Jam, Blood on the dance Floor and a few others does remind me of his glory days as well as downfall.

Yeap, like everyone else, I too, had his posters pasted all over my bedroom wall. Newspaper clips, infact anything and everything about Michael i read and bought. Siap kirim posters kat Acu (my uncle) whom at the time continuing with his studies in UK.

But dalam banyak-banyak lagu Michael, I dah lama suka lagu "One Day in your Life". Don't know why but I just love it and it is a beautiful song. Lama lagu ni....masa tu dia with his afro hairdo and large nostrils. Unfortunately this song is seldom being played on air or included in his CD's collection or all time hits. Tried searching for it at CD outlet but na da.

Anyway, these are the lyrics.

One day in your life
you'll remember a place
Someone's touching your face
You'll come back and you'll look around you

One day in your life
You'll remember the love you found here
You'll remember me somehow
Though you don't need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day...

One day in your life
When you find that you're always waiting
For the love we used to share
Just call my name
And I'll be there

You'll remember me somehow
Though you don't need me now
I will stay in your heart
And when things fall apart
You'll remember one day...

One day in your life
When you find that you're always longing
for the love we used to share
Just call my name
And I'll be there

Rest in peace Michael.

Apa lagi !?!

Finally the PC is repaired.

Months passed by and Ramadan greeted us again this year. It is going to be a different Ramadan as Abah is no longer with us.

How have I been without him? Well whenever I go back to kampung I just pretended he is there. Breakfast in the morning, I know where he sits...by the sink with his cigarette on his lips. If he is not around I just think..oh he is in his bedroom watching tv. If he is not sweeping the leaves outside, I imagine he is watering the plant. If mom drives down and arrived Subang Jaya safely, I just pretend that Abah drove and resting in the guest room.

That's how it has been since he's gone. I just imagine and pretend he is a round. Funny how some people deal with death.

When I lost my biological mom at the tender age of 8 (Sheri was 4) I don't know how and what to feel. I guess it didn't click then. I know she died but at 33, so young....what does God wanna do with her? I guess HE had planned well. People always feel pity towards you....aw so young...kesian kecik2 dah tak ada mak...I don't know how to respond.

But when you are fully grown up, the acceptance of death is very difficult. I have been very closed with my dad and I love him dearly. Even at his death bed...I beg his forgiveness as I still keep 2 dark secrets that I am not able to share with him. He was lifeless than....barely breathing on his own. It was tearing me apart.

On the wee hours of May 12, 2009, I was asked by my aunt to ampunkan semua kesalahan my dad at his death bed. But I think I am the one who should seek his forgiveness for hiding my dark secret. How I wish I can share it with someone but it happened to me, and I have willingly took the consequences. Macam orang cakap biar pecah di perut jgn pecah di mulut.

It was a shock. What should I say to Abah at the time? I avoided the situation but came to my senses and sat next to him. He was supported by oxygen. Frail looking and doesn't even look like the dad I've know all this while. How GOD can be cruel to you! I wept and wept and started to talk...

" Abah...abah tak pernah buat salah pada shera. Shera yang banyak buat salah. Ampunkan kesalahan Shera Abah! "

That's all came out from my mouth. I hugged his thin and frail body, barely lifeless on the bed. I felt...bones, all that is left was bones.

Berdosa kalau kita tanya "WHY IS GOD DOING THIS TO ME?" Why? Kenapa cubaan ni terlalu berat? Kmi adik beradik dah jadi yatim piatu. Why? Berdosake sangat kami dua beradik sampai emak bapak pun Allah sanggup ambik dari kami? Apa lagi yang nak diragut dari kami ni....?

APA LAGI!?

Rest in peace Abah...you are dearly missed.

Two days later ABAH passed away peacefully after in a short coma. Wherever you are, I love you very much.

Al fatihah.

AMIN.

Till we meet again.....

These were the last pictures taken of Abah and his grandchildren. 10 May 2009.




After the shock we had of Abah's condition, Monday 4 May 2009 abah was discharged from HUKM. Doctor said his system is functioning well except for lost of appetite. He was back at home and not until Wednesday 6 May 2009 that I took half day off to spend time with him. I brought along my work and stayed in his room while keeping an eye on him. Mom said he didn't eat much but he craved for iced milo and ice cream. I bought black pepper steak which mom later told me that he didn't eat a bite.

I didn't see him until Saturday when my sister called me at 6pm saying that Abah's condition worsen. He had difficulties in breathing. We rushed over and was informed that he refused to go to the hospital. We tried to talk him into going to the hospital and let him know that we may not have the expertise to medically assist him, he agreed.

Ambulance was called and he was dash to Subang Jaya (Sime Darby) Medical Center. Upon arrival he was led to the ER and after a his condition was stabilized, he was placed on 5th floor - the cancer ward. We find it a bit relief to see him breathing normally again. Once all has settled, mom stayed with him and we all went back home.

The next morning we dropped off the kids at Sheri's and drove to SJMC. He looks much better and had several visitors. Though he is still depended on the oxygen mask, he was alert but very week. My father in law came and told us to bring the kids for a visit cause Abah may want to see his grandchildren....maybe for the last time. While I was there I tried as much as reciting the Surah Yassin over and over again for him. My hubby gave Abah a shave, the kids took pictures with Abah, and Abah was so weak that he would only gave a thumbs up to assure us that he is doing okay.

Come night we all left as it was quite late and tommorrow is a school day for the kids. I had the intention to visit him tomorrow about 11 as I want to settle a few things at work.

Monday 11 May 2009, At about 9:45am Sheri called and told me that abah isn't looking very good. I was miserable and immediately left work. Called hubby about Abah's condition. Upon arrival at SJMC, there was no parking available. Left the car with the jockey.

I saw Abah heavily breathing. Still on his oxygen mask.

Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical

I have waited a long time to watch the musical theater and finally I did it. An opportunity not to be missed as this is Tiara's last live performance. Did not get any nice pictures because I thought camera were not allowed in. But there are still some who took pictures close up. Emmmm take reti protocol kut.

The show was on 21 Feb a week after Valentine's Day. It is also my Valentine's gift to hubby. We both enjoyed the show. Wow, i get to see Stephen Rahman-Hughes close up. Yum yum.

Abah's condition

Tuesday 28 April 2009

Abah started his physiotherapy.

Around 12:30 pm my sis gave a called saying abah was admitted for difficulty with breathing. What should I do? Should I just drop everything and dash off to the hospital? Should I miss my English Language training? Should I wait and see if his development gets serious than only I go HUKM? What happen if I was late? Should I this, should I that....and the most stupid question a daughter could asked....I never thought it could come out of my mouth...I asked my sister, Sheri do you think I should come now?!?

What kind of daughter am I? I am so disgusted with myself whenever I think that those words actually came out of my mouth. Why can I just said, OK Sheri, I'll be right over! At that time, I don't know what to decide.

When I arrived at HUKM, we were informed that Abah had refused all treatment. One by one, mom then Sheri and finally me tried to persuade Abah to be on the nuberlizer. I am like the secret weapon. Everytime Abah does not want to listen, Sheri will call me in. Usually Abah will cooperate whenever I pujuk but that day only after 15 minutes he gave up all treatment. He wants to go back.

Finally he was placed in the Oncology Ward amongst other cancer patients. I stayed until late afternoon and Sheri will return back to HUKM bringing along mom and dad's things.

Wednesday 29 April 2009

After sending off the kids to school I picked up breakfast for mom and drove straight to HUKM. Sheri arrived much later and we get to meet Dr. Azrif who is Abah Oncology Specialist. After examining and reviewing my dad's case, he said,

1) Abah has bladder infection which is under controlled.
2) He also has lungs infection due to too much flam. He will be given antibiotics. But sooner or later the antibiotics will do no good to him. Then a stronger antibiotic is recommended until when it is no longer working for Abah.
3) Abah's condition is considered critical as his lymph node is compressing his throat passageway. Making it difficult for him to eat or drink. Abah refused tubing. Several attempt the nurses inserted tube though his nose, Abah would just pull it out.
4) He is semi conscious of his surrounding.

The oncology ward is a common ward but we manage to get an isolation room for Abah with Dr. Azrif's help. We like the nurses at the ward as they know what they are doing. Before the shift, the surroundings were just depressing. Abah has suffered enough. I want him to feel as comfortable as possible.

As for me, I don't know how I am feeling. I wanna share them but just don't quite able to let it all out.

Thursday 30 April 2009

Did not go to visit Abah today. Sad about it but today's priority is work. Sheri told me Abah wanted to eat ice-cream. Meleleh air-mata I dengar....

He is much better and want to eat. He ate the porridge sheri cooked.

Believing IS Trust.

A conversation between me and Shakira.

After sending off Ayah to work one very early morning....as we walked into the house,

Shakira : Mummy saya dapat no. 2.

Me : No. 2 kat mana?

Shakira : Kat sekolah kebangsaan la mummy.

Me : Ye ke? Are you sure? Cikgu mana tell you?

Shakira : Cikgu Ezza yang cakap dalam class. Semalam.

Me : Kenapa baby tell mummy now? Why didn't you tell me yesterday?

Silence.

Me : Siapa dapat no. 1? (Mesti nak tahu punya.....)

Shakira : Amirul.

Me : Dia yang ketua darjah ye?

Shakira : Ya dia dapat no. 1.

Me : emmm you sure you dapat no. 2 dekat sekolah kebangsaan?

Shakira : Iye.



Me : Wow. I am very proud of you, girl! Hugs.....

So far no black and white and looking forward if it is a reality. I have to belief her words in order to teach her about what trust is.




Ayah is so proud of you, too, girl!

Piano Lessons.

I'd decided to enroll my two kids for piano lessons. Mei Yee, the piano teacher does this only on weekends. I have seen her advert banner outside her house, I presume. Made a call and ...cluck...we're in.

Ayah did not want to join as he may have his own reasons. He can play the guitar.

It is not that I want the kids to be musically genius but to give them some exposure and freedom to express. It is how I feel. In order for me educate my kids to be competitive, your good self enrolled as well. That would be a huge challenge for me. My goal is to sit for a Grade 1 Exam before next March. I truly hope this will give a healthy competition among us, not to be the best but the better among the rest.

I cheated with my theory but work hard with my practical. Habis lenjan piano si Zarif (my sister's son who is 7 and taking lessons). Shakira works hard and excitedly completes all her theory homework. While Shakiel.....what can I say, Shakiel just being like any other 5 year old kid.

Getting a piano is not that easy. So many things to consider. Age. Brand. And most of all Cost. 2nd hand of that is of course. An upright piano may cost in the range of RM2,500 to RM30,000. And if you prefer a grand piano....that'll be ..mmmmm...kira sendirila.


Act 1

Short conversation at the music store.

The visit to Cristofori Music Store was very educating. They are well known for their expertise in restoring and maintaining pianos. Alice explained about pianos and I was very impressed. She showed several piano which are within my budget. Also explained the 12 months free interest installments we can make if we become a CIMB credit card holder. I want to think about it. The deal was good. Free delivery. 5 years warranty. A Steinreich. 5 years old bulky machine. RM3,800.00 Wow! 3800 divide 12 months installment emmmmm a wooping RM317 a month.

Alice : This is a good piano for children who wants to start, no need to upgrade can last a long time. If you buy the other one I showed you, that one you have to upgrade when the kids reaches higher grades in piano. This one is suitable for your children.

Me : Emm But I don't know if they are serious about this. This is a big investment. Spend so much money and then the piano becomes a white elephant. Become suitable place to decorate picture stands. (Laugh....hahha)

Alice : (Laugh...aahhaa) No La.

Me : Let me think about it because I am also looking other types like digital piano. My sister has it for her son. Looks and plays just like a real piano.

Alice : I see but you must understand the sounds are different and the feel or touch also different. We also sell many electronic piano. Which one? Yamaha? Parts later very difficult to get.

Me : I see. OK. Let me think about it. A day or two. Then I'll get in touch of you.

Alice : OK. But we cannot guarantee that this piano will be here by then. We have people who came back but having known the piano is sold.

Me : Thanks. I will let you know if I decide to buy.

Intermission.

Act 2

I saw Mei Yee and excitedly said that I'm in the process of investing on a piano.

Me : I have been looking a round and my decision has come down to these two piano. It's an upright piano and a digital piano.

Mei Yee : I see. How old is the piano? Sometimes too old is not that good.

Me : I know but i do not planned to invest too much.

Mei Yee : Why I asked that is because sometimes piano as 20-30 years old have a soul. We don't know how attached the previous person who owned it. That is why at night if you hear the piano playing by itself that means the soul of the previous owner followed. Just like when you watched the tv movies. It's real.

Me : Wow! You're scarring me. Are you serious? No the piano we saw was 5 year old.

Mei Yee : Yes, really. If 5 years than ok. I don't recommend you buy too old piano.

Me : OK.

Act 3

After finding out the exact unit (of my sister's) was no longer available We finally decided on a digital piano which is RM800 less then the upright piano at Cristofori's. The unit is a CASIO Privia px-120. It should be good for us beginners.




The End.

Power Puff Girls!

Shakira finally got her medals. They are her achievements at KUMON.






Not only Shakira waiting anxiously for the medals, I was too. All the hard work finally have been paid off. The last 4 years. Lets correct that.....the last 4 agonizing years which I did gladly. And the thrill of the long wait receiving these medals lost after a few seconds. She's back to her note pads happily sketching Blossom of Power Puff Girls! Instead her brother celebrated the achievement!

Way to go Shakiel.....