Abah's condition

Tuesday 28 April 2009

Abah started his physiotherapy.

Around 12:30 pm my sis gave a called saying abah was admitted for difficulty with breathing. What should I do? Should I just drop everything and dash off to the hospital? Should I miss my English Language training? Should I wait and see if his development gets serious than only I go HUKM? What happen if I was late? Should I this, should I that....and the most stupid question a daughter could asked....I never thought it could come out of my mouth...I asked my sister, Sheri do you think I should come now?!?

What kind of daughter am I? I am so disgusted with myself whenever I think that those words actually came out of my mouth. Why can I just said, OK Sheri, I'll be right over! At that time, I don't know what to decide.

When I arrived at HUKM, we were informed that Abah had refused all treatment. One by one, mom then Sheri and finally me tried to persuade Abah to be on the nuberlizer. I am like the secret weapon. Everytime Abah does not want to listen, Sheri will call me in. Usually Abah will cooperate whenever I pujuk but that day only after 15 minutes he gave up all treatment. He wants to go back.

Finally he was placed in the Oncology Ward amongst other cancer patients. I stayed until late afternoon and Sheri will return back to HUKM bringing along mom and dad's things.

Wednesday 29 April 2009

After sending off the kids to school I picked up breakfast for mom and drove straight to HUKM. Sheri arrived much later and we get to meet Dr. Azrif who is Abah Oncology Specialist. After examining and reviewing my dad's case, he said,

1) Abah has bladder infection which is under controlled.
2) He also has lungs infection due to too much flam. He will be given antibiotics. But sooner or later the antibiotics will do no good to him. Then a stronger antibiotic is recommended until when it is no longer working for Abah.
3) Abah's condition is considered critical as his lymph node is compressing his throat passageway. Making it difficult for him to eat or drink. Abah refused tubing. Several attempt the nurses inserted tube though his nose, Abah would just pull it out.
4) He is semi conscious of his surrounding.

The oncology ward is a common ward but we manage to get an isolation room for Abah with Dr. Azrif's help. We like the nurses at the ward as they know what they are doing. Before the shift, the surroundings were just depressing. Abah has suffered enough. I want him to feel as comfortable as possible.

As for me, I don't know how I am feeling. I wanna share them but just don't quite able to let it all out.

Thursday 30 April 2009

Did not go to visit Abah today. Sad about it but today's priority is work. Sheri told me Abah wanted to eat ice-cream. Meleleh air-mata I dengar....

He is much better and want to eat. He ate the porridge sheri cooked.

Believing IS Trust.

A conversation between me and Shakira.

After sending off Ayah to work one very early morning....as we walked into the house,

Shakira : Mummy saya dapat no. 2.

Me : No. 2 kat mana?

Shakira : Kat sekolah kebangsaan la mummy.

Me : Ye ke? Are you sure? Cikgu mana tell you?

Shakira : Cikgu Ezza yang cakap dalam class. Semalam.

Me : Kenapa baby tell mummy now? Why didn't you tell me yesterday?

Silence.

Me : Siapa dapat no. 1? (Mesti nak tahu punya.....)

Shakira : Amirul.

Me : Dia yang ketua darjah ye?

Shakira : Ya dia dapat no. 1.

Me : emmm you sure you dapat no. 2 dekat sekolah kebangsaan?

Shakira : Iye.



Me : Wow. I am very proud of you, girl! Hugs.....

So far no black and white and looking forward if it is a reality. I have to belief her words in order to teach her about what trust is.




Ayah is so proud of you, too, girl!

Piano Lessons.

I'd decided to enroll my two kids for piano lessons. Mei Yee, the piano teacher does this only on weekends. I have seen her advert banner outside her house, I presume. Made a call and ...cluck...we're in.

Ayah did not want to join as he may have his own reasons. He can play the guitar.

It is not that I want the kids to be musically genius but to give them some exposure and freedom to express. It is how I feel. In order for me educate my kids to be competitive, your good self enrolled as well. That would be a huge challenge for me. My goal is to sit for a Grade 1 Exam before next March. I truly hope this will give a healthy competition among us, not to be the best but the better among the rest.

I cheated with my theory but work hard with my practical. Habis lenjan piano si Zarif (my sister's son who is 7 and taking lessons). Shakira works hard and excitedly completes all her theory homework. While Shakiel.....what can I say, Shakiel just being like any other 5 year old kid.

Getting a piano is not that easy. So many things to consider. Age. Brand. And most of all Cost. 2nd hand of that is of course. An upright piano may cost in the range of RM2,500 to RM30,000. And if you prefer a grand piano....that'll be ..mmmmm...kira sendirila.


Act 1

Short conversation at the music store.

The visit to Cristofori Music Store was very educating. They are well known for their expertise in restoring and maintaining pianos. Alice explained about pianos and I was very impressed. She showed several piano which are within my budget. Also explained the 12 months free interest installments we can make if we become a CIMB credit card holder. I want to think about it. The deal was good. Free delivery. 5 years warranty. A Steinreich. 5 years old bulky machine. RM3,800.00 Wow! 3800 divide 12 months installment emmmmm a wooping RM317 a month.

Alice : This is a good piano for children who wants to start, no need to upgrade can last a long time. If you buy the other one I showed you, that one you have to upgrade when the kids reaches higher grades in piano. This one is suitable for your children.

Me : Emm But I don't know if they are serious about this. This is a big investment. Spend so much money and then the piano becomes a white elephant. Become suitable place to decorate picture stands. (Laugh....hahha)

Alice : (Laugh...aahhaa) No La.

Me : Let me think about it because I am also looking other types like digital piano. My sister has it for her son. Looks and plays just like a real piano.

Alice : I see but you must understand the sounds are different and the feel or touch also different. We also sell many electronic piano. Which one? Yamaha? Parts later very difficult to get.

Me : I see. OK. Let me think about it. A day or two. Then I'll get in touch of you.

Alice : OK. But we cannot guarantee that this piano will be here by then. We have people who came back but having known the piano is sold.

Me : Thanks. I will let you know if I decide to buy.

Intermission.

Act 2

I saw Mei Yee and excitedly said that I'm in the process of investing on a piano.

Me : I have been looking a round and my decision has come down to these two piano. It's an upright piano and a digital piano.

Mei Yee : I see. How old is the piano? Sometimes too old is not that good.

Me : I know but i do not planned to invest too much.

Mei Yee : Why I asked that is because sometimes piano as 20-30 years old have a soul. We don't know how attached the previous person who owned it. That is why at night if you hear the piano playing by itself that means the soul of the previous owner followed. Just like when you watched the tv movies. It's real.

Me : Wow! You're scarring me. Are you serious? No the piano we saw was 5 year old.

Mei Yee : Yes, really. If 5 years than ok. I don't recommend you buy too old piano.

Me : OK.

Act 3

After finding out the exact unit (of my sister's) was no longer available We finally decided on a digital piano which is RM800 less then the upright piano at Cristofori's. The unit is a CASIO Privia px-120. It should be good for us beginners.




The End.

Power Puff Girls!

Shakira finally got her medals. They are her achievements at KUMON.






Not only Shakira waiting anxiously for the medals, I was too. All the hard work finally have been paid off. The last 4 years. Lets correct that.....the last 4 agonizing years which I did gladly. And the thrill of the long wait receiving these medals lost after a few seconds. She's back to her note pads happily sketching Blossom of Power Puff Girls! Instead her brother celebrated the achievement!

Way to go Shakiel.....

Filial Daughter.

I wish I was one.


Bad Ones? Once.

Acceptance? Twice.

Suffering? Once.

Regrets? Many.

Good memories? Many....too many.

How is dad?

Greetings.

It has been quite a while since I updated my blog. So many things to share and I don't know how and where to start.

Let say we begin with my dad's condition.

Not so good. His weight has gone down to 51kg. Can't walk. Feels numb in both feet. Lost control of his bladder. On several types of medication be it modern medicine and alternative. Fell down twice; first b'coz loss of balance and second he felt sudden numbness in his feet. Mostly bed ridden. Stopped chemo until his current condition stabilized. Cancer shrunk from 42 cm to 36 cm so far.

But he is so strong.

That's my dad!